What Happens Next If?

A guide for parents and caregivers on what to do next if your child experiences, witnesses or causes racial harm and bullying.

What happens next if?

Three situations, and what to do in each one. Most parents read this for the first time on the worst day, so it's written to be useful when you're upset, not when you're studying.

Why this document exists

When something happens involving race at school, most parents are running on adrenaline. You want to protect your child, you're not sure who to call first, and the conversation you have in that moment often sets the tone for everything that follows.

This guide exists so you don't have to work it out from scratch on that day. It is written to help you partner with the school, the outcomes families want almost always come from working alongside teachers and administrators rather than around them. Where the steps below are firm, that's because being clear and specific is part of being a good partner, not the opposite of it.

Read it before you need it. Then, when you're in survival mode, find your situation and start at step one.

1. If your child experiences racial harm, bullying, or bias

1. Write it down before you call anyone. Date, time, place, exactly what was said or done, who else was there, and what your child told you. Specifics are what make a report actionable, and memory blurs within a day.

2. Tell the classroom teacher in writing. Email rather than a hallway conversation. It creates a record with a timestamp, and it means nothing depends on someone remembering to write it up later.

3. Ask for it to be entered as a formal report. Being heard is not the same as being logged. Ask directly: "Is this being documented as a report?" Say the word racial, and ask whether it's being handled as bullying or as racial harassment.

4. Bring the principal in. For anything involving race, ask for the principal directly rather than waiting for it to travel up. Copy them on the original email if you'd rather not make a second ask.

5. Ask four specific questions. Who is investigating this? What is the timeline? When will I hear from you? What support does my child have in the meantime?

6. Put the follow-up date in your calendar. If the date passes without contact, email that day. Most reports don't fail at the report, they fail at the follow-through. Contact the parties involved for follow-through and set expectations for next steps.

7. Ask about your child, not the other child. You will not be told what discipline another student received, that's federal privacy law, not the school avoiding you. What you can ask about is your own child: supervision, seating, adult check-ins, whether a repair conversation happened.

8. Ask what changes for everyone. One incident is information about a classroom, not just two kids. Ask what the class or grade is doing differently as a result.

Additional resources

MPS Office for Civil Rights investigates discrimination and harassment complaints. File online through the NotMe app, by email, or by phone at 612-695-0222.

2. If your child sees or hears something

1. Thank them first. A child who tells you is a child deciding whether telling adults works. Lead with "I'm really glad you told me" before any question about what happened.

2. Name it plainly. "That was racist, and it isn't okay." Vague responses teach kids the subject is unspeakable. Naming it teaches them it's something adults can handle.

3. Report it anyway. Parents often assume the harmed child's family already knows. Frequently they don't. A bystander report may be the only reason the school learns anything happened.

4. Reach out to the harmed child's family only if you know them. And keep it short and about them: "I heard what happened. I'm sorry. I've told the school." Not an offer to strategize.

5. Practice next time out loud. Kids freeze because they don't have words ready. Give them three: check on the person harmed afterward, say "not cool," in the moment and tell an adult. Say them together in the car or at home until they're easy.

6. Keep talking after it fades. Bring it up again in a week. The lesson isn't in the first conversation, it's in your child learning this is a topic that stays open in your house.

Why bystander reports matter here

Because our school has few enough students of color that families of harmed children are often isolated when something happens, other families choosing to report is frequently the difference between an incident being addressed and an incident disappearing. This is one of the most ordinary and concrete forms of ally-ship at Lake Harriet.

Where to start at home

Harriet Collective keeps a list of age-appropriate books, conversation starters, and answers to the questions kids actually ask. Ask any of us, or email lhcsharrietcollective@gmail.com.

3. If your child is the one who caused harm

1. Take the call without defending. The first sentence matters more than any that follow. "Thank you for telling me. I want to help fix this." You can ask questions later; the school is deciding right now whether you're a partner.

2. Get the facts before you talk to your child. Ask the school exactly what was said or done, to whom, and in front of whom. Walking in with specifics prevents the conversation from becoming a negotiation about what really happened. The school will share what they can but are bound by tight confidentiality; be patient with what they are able to share.

3. Separate the child from the behavior out loud. "What you said was racist. That's a fact about the words and actions, but doesn't have to be you. This is yours to repair." Kids who feel labeled stop listening; kids who feel accountable can learn.

4. Find out where it came from. A game, a video, an older kid or friend, a joke they repeated without understanding. This isn't an excuse, it's the information you need to actually change anything.

5. Work the plan with the school team. Ask what the school is asking of your child, and do that thing at home too. An 'own it and repair it' lesson at school that's contradicted at the dinner table teaches the opposite lesson.

6. Support a real repair, not a fast one. If the school offers a restorative conversation, take it. An apology your child doesn't understand is worse than none. It teaches that the goal is making the adults stop being upset.

7. Don't move on too quickly. Check in two weeks later. Your discomfort dissipating is not the same as the harm being repaired, and your child is watching which one you treat as the finish line.

8. Ask for resources. State law directs schools to share community resources with the family of the student who caused harm, not only the family harmed. Ask what's available.

What you can expect

You will be notified.
You may not be told who the other child is.
You can ask what the school is doing to help your child, not only what's being done to them.

The thing nobody says out loud

Almost every guide is written for the family whose child was harmed. Getting this call is disorienting, and shame makes parents defensive at exactly the moment their child needs them steady. It doesn't mean you failed.

What your child does next is the part you still control.

Breathe and take this on with them.

Before you need this: save your child's teacher and the principal's contact information in your phone at the start of the school year, and bookmark this page.

A note on this document: the steps above reflect Minnesota's Safe and Supportive Minnesota Schools Act and Minneapolis Public Schools policy. Specific timelines and staff contacts at Lake Harriet should be confirmed with school administration. Harriet Collective is a parent group, we don't speak for the school, and this guide isn't legal advice.

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